40 things I did before I turned 40

Think of this as my take on the National Trust’s ‘50 things to do before your turn 11¾’, but for 40-year-olds. And backwards. Most people set themselves a list of things to do before turning a certain age, and then set out to achieve it, but this isn’t one of those lists. This is me looking back on my 40 years on this planet and cataloguing what I’ve achieved, without even realising it.

I’ve tried not to turn this into a list of brags, but I also don’t want to shy away from the things I’m proud of. In all, it’s a mix of the fairly inane (cheese and dungarees come up), with some vulnerable moments, and things I’m celebrating.

So in no particular order, here we go!

1.  Became a business owner

This was not planned at all, but in a way it had been the plan all along. I’ve wanted to work in publishing since I was a teenager, I just didn’t really have a clue how to achieve this without working in London. So in the end, in the words of my 12-year-old, ‘I self-employed myself’ and set up my own editing business.

2.  Reached the national finals in a sport

This sounds far more impressive than it is. The sport was fencing. To qualify for the national finals, you had to come in the top 3 of your region (mine was the West Midlands). Most years only 5 of us turned up for the competition! Then I came second to last in the national finals most years I qualified. But still, I got some nifty silverware from winning the regional events.

3.  Bought a campervan

This is a rite of passage that I’ve achieved perhaps 10 years ahead of schedule. Another completely unplanned thing on the list. We were saving for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Florida, which then got cancelled and fully refunded because of Covid, so we decided to spend the savings on a campervan. She’s called Bucky and she’s my most coveted possession.

4.  Had an ADHD diagnosis

The ultimate tick in the middle-aged woman box. We can joke that people (especially middle-aged women) are being overdiagnosed with ADHD, but the reality is that the volume of people like me being diagnosed is a necessary response to the underdiagnosis from previous decades. And enough of this superpower nonsense. My biggest symptom was feeling overwhelmed.

5.  Surprised everyone (including myself) academically

It started with my GCSEs when my science teacher asked me if I’d been hiding my light under a bushel when I hugely exceeded expectations in the STEM subjects. But it didn’t come out of nowhere: I revised really hard for my GCSEs, do practice paper after practice paper. I remember writing down an answer in my physics exam I didn’t understand but I knew was right. I carried on surprising myself and others with my first-class degree from St Andrews and my distinction in my master’s degree from Bristol (brag over!).

6.  Ran a half marathon

And I kind of hated it. I think 10 miles is my limit.

7.  Ate an entire block of cheese in one go

I don’t remember doing this one, but whenever we played ‘never have I ever’ at university, I’d always bring this one up, so I think I must have done it at some point.

8.  Travelled to the other side of the world

Back in 2009 I visited New Zealand back with my then-boyfriend (now-husband) for a family wedding. This was one moment when being short was a huge advantage: I curled up and slept most of the way while my tall boyfriend had to sleep bolt upright for 36 hours.

9.  Fell in love

Ah, isn’t this a lovely one? I met my husband when I was 8 and he was 10, at our local theatre group (he’s the then-boyfriend I travelled to the other side of the world with). We started going out when I was 16 and he was 18, and 8 years later we got married (because you don’t want to rush these things).

10. Became a mum

Being perfectly honest, I went into this completely blind. By the time I married my husband we had been together for 8 years. We’d travelled and lived a fairly exciting life together, so we thought we’d take advantage of this and become young parents. It is without a doubt the hardest thing I have ever done and am still doing.

11. Learned out how to style my hair

This one took about 30 years to crack. Well, 22 if you count the fact I didn’t have a decent head of hair until I was about 8. Up to that point I had very fine and super blonde hair, then it turned into a huge puffball with an untameable fringe. I discovered hair straighteners when I was about 16 which kept me going (though with no particular style or finesse) until I was about 30, which is when I found out about the curly hair method. This took about 5 years of trial and error, but now I can finally say I’ve learned out to style my hair. Just in time for perimenopause to rain on that parade and take me and my hair back to square one.

12. Found glasses I love

I still remember the first time I tried a round pair of frames, in my early to mid-thirties (this was a big decade for me, apparently), I thought I was so chic and bold. My choices up until this point were not great.

13. Realised I don’t have to love reading the classics

I describe myself as someone who has always been a bookworm but struggled with reading the classics, even though I originally applied to do English Literature and Classical Studies at university. It’s mainly thanks to recent book podcasts that I’ve realised you don’t have to love the classics and it’s even OK to critique them! This has encouraged me to start reading more of them. Last summer I read Anna Karenina (impressive, but I didn’t cry, and what was with all the farming?) and this summer it looks like I’ll be reading Middlemarch.

14. Studied things I could have learned at school

I couldn’t wait to finish studying Latin in year 9. Then when I was 22 I did an intensive Latin course during my postgraduate master’s degree, in a bid to apply for a PhD in Classics. Go figure.

15.  Realised some people like me just the way I am

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) has plagued me from about the age of 12. It was a classic case of feeling like I didn’t fit in (which many teenagers feel) but with a feeling I couldn’t shake that most people hated me. After bawling my eyes out about this to the unprepared ADHD nurse last year, I messaged my best friend from my teenage years (a fellow fencer!) in an outpouring of gratitude for our friendship, even though we aren’t so close any more. She responded with the most beautiful message, how our friendship was rare, real, and special. It wasn’t all in my head!

16.  But not everyone does (and that’s OK)

OK, a little lie here. I’m coming to terms with the first part of this but not the second. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but I don’t think I’m OK with that yet.

17.  Worked out non-striving is OK

When people ask how my business is going, I often respond ‘I’m fully booked up for me.’ I’m perfectly happy working part-time and earning a bit less if it means I can fit in my daily exercise without getting up at 6am. I’m also extremely content with where my business currently is, with no plans for particular growth.

18.  Learned two things can be true at the same time

I am loud and quiet, anxious and sociable, energetic and tired, introspective and an oversharer.

19.  Discovered how much I love dungarees

I wish I knew when I got my first pair (as an adult!), but I’m pretty sure it was a classic pair of denim dungarees, and it was at least 10 years ago.

20.  Cut out coffee

My LinkedIn profile says I love dungarees but can’t drink coffee. The coffee thing is because it massively aggravates my bladder so I pee every 15 minutes, along with bladder pain (think UTI but without the pain when peeing). I thought I’d best leave the explanation out my LinkedIn bio.

21.  Came through disordered eating

I’ve been obsessed with maintaining a small body size since I was about 12 (turning 12 was a big year, it seems). I’d fantasize about getting through the day on a single apple, but never actually committing to this. Things came to a head in my thirties when I got caught up in the intermittent fasting and paleo nonsense that was rife at the time. Weighing myself every day, keeping track of every morsel that passed my lips. Thank goodness I gradually discovered intuitive eating through reading other people’s experiences with disordered eating and realising that being obsessed with what you eat and how you look is not healthy or normal.

22.  Got used to being the short one

At 5’4”, many would argue I’m not short. But when you’re married to someone who’s 6’5”, this average height for a woman becomes short. I officially became the shortest one in my own family when my youngest son turned 11.

23.  Realised exercise is a non-negotiable

Weirdly, all through my obsession with my weight and looks, I never used exercise as a form of punishment or to maintain my weight. But it wasn’t until I read several books about ADHD and got my own diagnosis that I realised how crucial exercise is for my wellbeing and regulation. It’s as essential to me as medication.

24.  Lived in a different country

Alright, I’m bending the truth here, because I’m referring to when I lived in Scotland when I was at university there. Does that count?

25.  Made a will

This one is a big deal for me, as I find this kind of life admin incredibly hard. It took us a year from first emailing the solicitor to signing and sending back the will, but we did it!

26.  Kept my rose trees alive

I am an utterly hopeless gardener. But related to my non-striving point above, I’ve come to terms with this and have my own goals and standards for things, including my garden. Somehow, I’ve managed to keep two rose trees alive that we’ve had for at least 10 years (because we moved them from our first home to our current home 10 years ago). They almost died last year, but I pruned them, fed them, watered them, hoped for the best and hurrah! they are literally blooming.

27.  Started doing more things intuitively

When most people use the word ‘sensitive’, they mean it negatively, but being sensitive is having a well-deserved moment, and I’m starting to value my sensitivity. It’s channelled by my intuition: from recognising inauthenticity, to the way I edit books (I can just tell when someone is holding back), to the way I eat and exercise (intuitive eating and exercise).

28.  Adopted my husband’s tips for naming files on my computer

Save a copy of your book or file every day you work on it. Put year-month-day at the start of every file, for each day you open it, e.g. 17 March 2026 becomes 260317 (also note every number should be two digits, so use ‘0’ before any number below 10). Followed by underscore or space and then a short file name, e.g. 260317_SS_3-ways-handout.

• This means when you view the filenames in name order as a list, they are also in date order.

• It also means you should only ever lose 1 day’s work if a catastrophic technical glitch occurred.

• The trick is remembering to do it every time!

29.  Stored over 40,000 photos

Honestly, who knows how many photos I have stored in various clouds? I know I’ve got 30,000+ photos on one account and 40,000+ photos on another, so there will be some crossover here. Then there’s my old iPhoto account…

30.  Switched to Mac for work

This was purely for the better battery. I’d prefer to use PC because Microsoft Word loves a PC, but even my PC-loving husband admits they just don’t compete with Macs for longevity and battery life.

31.  Put up a tent with my husband without a huge argument

I know you won’t believe this one. But it’s true!

32.  Bought an air fryer

Could I even call myself a millennial if I didn’t own an air fryer? It’s like the 80s version of the microwave.

33.  Accepted my anxiety will never go away

My major triggers are related to health and safety (hence why I will never volunteer with Scouts, where my husband is a leader, no matter how many times I’m asked: I would take all the fun out of it all!). The health anxiety is really hard to manage, whereas I get a whopping dose of cortisol at events and if I’m public speaking, but this is very much a case of feel the fear and do it anyway.

34.  Went on a zipwire

I am absolutely terrified of heights (and enclosed spaces). But with the encouragement of some fellow parents I had known for all of 3 days, I decided to give the zipwire at a PGL holiday a go a couple of years ago, and I did it! And no, it wasn’t one of those piddly ones at the playground where your feet can touch the ground.

35.  Swam in the North Sea

One of the traditions at St Andrews is to take a dip in the North Sea on May Day to wash away your academic sins and bring luck for your exams.

36.  Took centre stage at a prestigious theatre in Birmingham

One of the final performances for the drama club I’d been part of since I was 8 (and where I met my husband) was on the stage at the Alexandra Stadium, where I took on the role as MC between performing in our cabaret. I was in my absolute element.

37.  Ran around an Olympic stadium (twice)

My parents love to tell me about when I ran around the Olympic stadium in Athens when I was about 9, and then of course I had to do it again when I went there with my kids last year.

38.  Found the perfect denim shorts

They hang perfectly on my hips, have space around my thighs, they’re cut at a flattering length, and have back pockets big enough for my phone. Told you, perfect!

39.  Scored a 100 sleep score on my Garmin

This is somewhat of a unicorn achievement for Garmin users: a perfect sleep score. Unfortunately, this was a couple of years ago and is very unlikely to be be repeated now I’m perimenopausal.

40.  Met two Gladiators

I was dressed as a munchkin. I have no idea why, but members from my ballet school followed the Yellow Brick Road through our shopping centre and ended up meeting two Gladiators – Jet and Hunter!